We're Home!

Nearly half an acre with twenty-some trees, ten vegetable beds (super overrun by weeds), raspberry bushes, a fire pit. A house with five bedrooms, four baths, an attached garage, and a partridge in a pear tree. We have years of work ahead of us, but still, it is our home, Isaac's childhood home. The place where many cherished memories will be made--growing our own vegetables and canning, picking and eating raspberries, marshmallows over the fire, forts made in the bushes, camping out back with the neighbor kids--all those wonderful experiences every kid should have growing up. We are so excited to start this new chapter of our life.

I've spent the better part of the five weeks since we left the condo, since I returned to work and since Isaac started daycare, struggling to find balance and struggling to identify my new self. I know this is not uncommon for new mothers; you have an idea of self before you have a child and after you are forever altered, if not completely changed. Now, having Isaac, I find it impossible to jump back into my "old life" as it was. The weeks are long and hard and I'm constantly feeling a pang of guilt, no matter where I am. There's always more work to do, exercise being neglected, chores left untouched and, most importantly, a baby changing by the day who I miss so much when I'm away from him it hurts. I feel I'm missing so much of his fleeting childhood being away for long days of work. By the middle of each week I'm completely exhausted and upset that I can't find the balance I need to be happy. I'm stuck in the middle of two unbalanced worlds. This is no life.

So, with this move comes change. In hopes of finding a happier, healthier place in life, I've made the decision to cut down to half time at work to be home more often with my rapidly changing baby. This decision did not come easily. First, I love my job. And second, both of my coworkers are leaving this summer and I am the only remaining veteran lab assistant. Going half time means I'm putting my boss in a somewhat precarious position. Luckily for me, along with being an extremely successful working woman, my boss is a devoted mother. She understands my struggle and my desire to be home with baby. So it is, going forward, in this new chapter of life, that I will keep part of my old self while creating space and time for my new self to grow.

~

“I know I can't make time slow down, can't hold our life as it is in a freeze frame or slow my children's inexorable journeys into adulthood and lives of their own. But I can celebrate those journeys by bearing witness to them, by paying attention, and, perhaps most of all, by carrying on with my own growth and becoming. Now it dawns on me that the only way I can figure out what I'm meant to be doing is to try to understand who I'm meant to be...I will not waste this life, not one hour, not one minute. I will not take for granted the blessing of our being here...I will give thanks...”

~Katrina Kenison, The Gift of an Ordinary Day: A Mother's Memoir

Watchin' Mom

In the kitchen.

Squeals McGee

The boy is fascinated by his own voice -- well, his own squealing, that is. And this is what happens when he's left alone for a minute. 

Growing Baby

He sits (assisted), he plays with toys--who is this baby? Surely not my little boy.

Farmers' Market Play Date

Today Isaac and I got together with my friend, Jennifer, and her seven month old baby, Calvin. We met at the Boulder Farmers' Market and had some much needed mama talk time. The boys are still a little young for play dates, but Jen and I appreciate the time together. 

Splish Splash

More Tummy Time

Family Hike: Flatirons Vista

Tummy Time

Here's Isaac playing on his tummy:

And here's Isaac frustrated on his tummy:

Guess he's not quite a natural at rolling over yet. 

Rolling, Rolling, Rolling

Sweet Face 2

After a hard day and a long week, he is the only one who can turn everything around in a heartbeat.

Silly Isaac

And this is what sleep-deprived parents find hilarious:

"What's so funny, guys?"

Little Man

Review Article Publication

I don't talk much about my work here on my blog. I guess I've never had a very good reason to. As many readers already know, I work at the University of Colorado Anschutz in the ACTIVE Research Lab. Generally, much of my work day is filled with putting together protocols from grants awarded to my boss and other doctors within our research group, recruiting subjects, and exercise and endothelial function testing (among about 100 other tasks). My work is important to me. Our lab is funded by many great organizations -- the American Diabetes Association and National Institutes of Health to name a couple -- and we are studying a very serious chronic disease that is plaguing our country, plaguing much of the world. Over the last year, under the guidance of my boss, a former coworker, a medical student working in our lab, and I spent many evenings and occasional weekends putting together a review of the current literature on type 2 diabetes, cardiovascular disease and sex differences. We wanted to bring attention to the possible differences in men and women with type 2 diabetes with regard to exercise barriers, exercise needs, treatment needs and prevention.

This month we were published in the Journal of Investigative Medicine. Please go here to read our abstract and/or to download the full article.

Bumbo Boy

Three Months Old

Isaac is three months old! He weighs in at 14 pounds and is 23.5 inches long. So much has changed in the last month. It is truly amazing how quickly my baby is developing. Most people have a difficult time adjusting to their baby growing, but, for the most part, I am so excited for each new milestone.

This month, Isaac has learned to laugh, to squeal at the top of his lungs (often times in a pitch only dogs can hear), to make shapes with his lips like he's actually creating words. He holds his head up on his own, he's discovered his hands and feet and he brings anything he can get in those hands to his mouth. He drools like crazy and loves to blow raspberries. He's also learned to turn onto his side from his back. We're bracing for a very active, very curious boy. One thing I am okay with is delaying learning to crawl. That's a whole different baby I'm not ready to have yet. Fortunately we have a little time until that happens.

Here Daddy is making Isaac smile. Isaac loves when Ben says "Can you TALK?!" very animated. He usually laughs.

Isaac loves to play on his activity mat and in his swing as long as there are rings and toys for him to grab at. He hasn't mastered reaching out and grabbing for something, but if there is a toy within reach he can manage to get it into his hands and pull it to his mouth. He also loves splashing in the bath and kicking off of anything he can reach with his feet, including Mama's chest, that's his favorite. I think I need to get this boy a Jumparoo.

Playing with his caterpillar.

One thing that Isaac has just started doing is putting his hand flat on his head. He seems to do it a lot when he's laying down.

What fun our little three-month-old has been. We've gone through quite a few transitions in the last couple of weeks -- moving out of the condo, mom returning to work, daycare for Isaac -- and Isaac has tolerated it all very well. We're thankful for such a laid back, happy baby. I'm not so sure just any baby would handle all these life changes thrown at him at the same time as well as Isaac has. Soon we'll be moving one more time into our new house. Then we'll settled into a home we think is perfectly suited for our new family: A huge backyard for exploration (and gardening!), plenty of space for ourselves and visitors, and in a wonderful, family, trail-friendly community.