Today my mom is moving out of her house--the place she has called home for over 27 years--my childhood home. As many times as I have told my mom over the past few years, as she contemplated leaving, that it was just a house and to let it go, this week, talking to her about the packing process and what it felt like to be in the now-empty rooms, I found myself finally reacting to the realization that the next time I return to Wisconsin, our home on Chicago Street will be no more. It will still be there, of course, but not ours. I feel a weird mixture of both relief and sadness for my mom and myself. The house had become a burden to her over the years, but it was also her sanctuary. And mine, for a lot of my life. I will miss it.
I felt homesick all week, wishing I could be home to support my mom through a difficult transition and say goodbye to the walls, floors, windows and beautiful (if not frozen) yard I know like the back of my hand. I craved to feel that sense of being home. My house here in Colorado is where I feel at home now, but I craved something a little different. Maybe an older, more established feeling of home? But I couldn't get to Wisconsin before the move.
Instead, today, the mountains were calling, and so I went to the one place I could think of that feels like home, and has for a long time.
We were blessed with bluebird skies and mild temperatures, and the trails were packed down just enough to make it easy for me to hike my old four-mile loop with Emma. Giant heaps of snow dropped from the pines in great big plops, and the untouched snow glistened in the sunlight. It was gorgeous out there. I hiked hard uphill, my breath fast and steady, letting everything--difficult or joyful--wash over me. When I reached the top of the climb, I stopped, took in the view--that old familiar view--smiled and thanked whomever was responsible for this gift. Then I hiked back down again, recognizing that even in trying times--maybe especially--there is much to be grateful for. Even if today we lost something we cherished, home means so much more than a house that once held your family. Home is your family. And I'm so grateful for my family.
And, once again, for these trails, and the comfortable peace they offer. What a perfect day, another trail runner proclaimed as he passed me by. And it was.
Emma Noelle is two months old! She weighs 10 pounds 12 ounces and measures 23 inches long. She is smaller than her big brother was at this age (I cannot imagine her being 13 pounds right now!), and I'm totally okay with that. I'll keep this tiny peanut for as long as I can.
Emma has settled into a comfortable feeding routine, nursing every three hours through the day and night. She has taken one bottle so far--around 6 weeks--and did pretty well with it. I think introducing a pacifier to her early on had something to do with that. And let me say, that pacifier? Clutch. Isaac never took one, but I knew it would be helpful this time around, for the hard moments. And it has: more than one double meltdown has been avoided because of a paci.
Em continues to sleep well, without fussing at night. Thank goodness. She wakes around 7:30 a.m. and is up for an hour or two before going down for her first nap. She spends most of the day alternating between napping and being awake for a couple hours at a time. Then she's ready for bed around 7 p.m. And as long as I keep my dairy consumption to a minimum, she doesn't fuss most of the evening like she did previously. That's right, I can no longer deny it: Emma has a dairy intolerance. Every time I have a heavy day of consuming dairy, she breaks out in a rash on her face and chest. Aside from a dollop of cream in my coffee, I've cut out dairy. We're both okay with it. (Mainly because I have that cream in my coffee. Otherwise, it would be earth-shattering.)
I should post more of these photos, because inevitably this happens every time I lay Emma down to photograph her for her weekly photos. Isaac can't resist a good teeth-grinding squeeze. Neither can I.
Speaking of Isaac, he is adjusting very well to having a little sister. We definitely saw the typical regressions and nap refusal that you're warned about when a sibling comes along, but the love he displays for his sister far outweighs the tough moments we encounter. So often Emma and I are greeted in the mornings by big brother crawling into bed with us. He'll say, "Hi little sister, big brother is here now," or "Hi sweet girl, you're getting so big!" in a sing-song voice. He is so love struck by her. We all are.
Isaac is finding his way into a new routine now that Emma is here. Daddy usually puts him to bed at night--and he always runs into our bedroom before sleep to give his mama and sister a hug and kiss--and he also wakes and has breakfast with Daddy most days. During the day he prefers to play with me as often as possible, but is pretty patient when I'm feeding or changing Emma. He also doesn't mind including her in our play, if she is awake. He likes to help with her as much as he can, often giving her a paci when she's fussy or bringing me a burp cloth or wipe when it's needed. There have only been a handful of times when I've had to scold him for purposely hurting Emma--usually when he's in a sour mood and she is crying. We're working on it, though.
Emma is much stronger than I'd like her to be. She enjoys tummy time, she holds her head up on her own, for the most part, and likes to stand on her legs (with assistance, of course). I can't remember when the stepping reflex goes away, but when I hold her up so she can stand, sometimes she steps her feet and walks to me. I'm praying it's just a reflex. She has also just started grabbing at things. Grabbing! I was counting on at least another month of newborn baby bliss before the grabbing began. Slow down, baby girl!
And just like her brother, she's all about those fists right now.
Oh, Emma Noelle. Already you are such a beautiful little being. Sweet girl, I am completely overcome by you. It's like our birth instructor, Katie, once said: "My husband should have felt threatened by how much I loved my son those first months." I didn't understand, and certainly didn't take her seriously when she said it--she is often one to joke. But now? I get it--I am living it. It's as if I exist solely for you; I love you so completely, Emma Noelle. You are it for me.
It is the same feeling I had when Isaac was a baby. Everyone else in the world fades away. You think of no one but your babe, not even the one who created this amazing little being with you. Your one true love is this child. It's a bit different this time, having both Emma and Isaac. There's some emotional confusion and internal struggle--how can I love both of them this much, when each love feels all consuming? It's crazy. But the trick is not to question it. Instead, just feel thankful you have love like this in your life.
Isaac got a fun gift from his great-aunt, Amy, in the mail yesterday. A whole set of measuring spoons and cups, mixing spoons, cupcake liners and mix, and best of all, a personalized apron! Purple is Isaac's favorite color, despite what he says in his birthday video, so Aunt Amy sent some crazy purple cupcake mix.
Isaac loved the finished product. In this second photo, he is looking longingly at the cupcake because his cruel mama made him pose with it, but wouldn't let him eat it. We decided to share them with friends, because what's better than feeding a bunch of kids sugar and artificial coloring before dinner?!
Our friends Tesla, Caden, and Victoria came to meet Emma. So many littles! And in June, Emma will have a new playmate--Caden and Victoria's mommy, Gina, is due with another little boy or girl! This spring is surely baby season; I have at least half a dozen friends and family who are expecting. So fun!
This past weekend, we had a house full of family here to meet Emma and celebrate Ben's 40th birthday. Ben's brothers Matt and Nathan, our sister-in-law Lizeth, and niece Amira arrived on Thursday night. Then on Friday we picked up Grandma Cheri and Grandpa Todd from the airport, who were happy to step off the plane to a 60 degree day, having just left below-zero Minnesota. Having family in town is always fun and fulfilling, and this weekend was no exception.
Meeting Emma.
Warm enough for playing in the sandbox in sandals!
Our sweet little valentine in a sassy little outfit, gifted by my former coworker, Rachel. Thanks, Rachel!
Making valentines with Grandma.
Lots and lots of baby snuggles.
When I asked Ben what he wanted to do for his momentous birthday, he said he wanted to spend it with family, so we did our best to get as many family members as we could out to Colorado. To celebrate, we had a delicious steak dinner, toasting the man of honor, followed by games and, asalways, blueberry birthday pie. It was the perfect way to ring in a new decade!
Isaac and Amira making cutout cookies with Grandma.
Super fun and super messy decorating of the cookies. The kids loved it.
Auntie Liz getting in some snuggle time.
Grandpa Todd, the bubble master.
Isaac and Amira really have a special bond. They so clearly love one another and it's always hard to watch them part after they spend time together. I can't wait to see the bonds Emma will form with her cousins.
I have to mention that Amira was so excited to hear that we named her new baby cousin Emma. This past summer, when we visited Gramps' lake house, everyone gave us a baby girl name suggestion, and Amira's choice was Emma. We loved it (of course, because we chose it!) but we (okay, I) had a tough time deciding on her name up until just before she was born. Really, Emma Noelle felt like the right name all along, but Emma has been the number 1 baby girl name in the U.S. for something like five years running, and that made me hesitate. We considered Clara, my great-grandmother's name--which one of my friends actually named her baby girl, who was born 2 days before Emma. We also considered Emily, but I decided that I already know way too many Emilys. The last two name options were Eleanor and Amelia. Amelia was just too close to Amira, and Eleanor was to be my cousin's baby girl's name. Eleanor was due the same day as Emma, and Jess and I laughed at how cute it would be if they were both named Eleanor.
Some candid shots from Sunday. Grandpa Todd is always game for some wrestling fun!
In true Colorado fashion, after 60's and sun over the weekend, we had cold and lots of snow on Monday. Also, the picture above is of our backyard neighbor, Claire. This summer she'll start watching Isaac on occasion. She's great with him!
Emma was right at home in her grandma's arms. No surprise, Cheri has been a wonderful daycare provider for years!
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