He Does (Our) Chores

Rainy Day Hike in Shanahan Ridge

Duo Dinner Date

Ben and I had plans first to go to Ikea, then, instead, to meet a high school friend for drinks, and in the end, we simply drove to Denver, reserved a table at Duo on the way, pulled up to the restaurant and found a parking space and our table awaiting us. Obviously this dinner date was meant to be. And it was lovely. A beautiful restaurant, good food and drink, and even better company (he who is not pictured).

Little Helper

Repairing sprinkler heads is dirty work!

And then some shenanigans...

Raspberries

From the Garden

Just some iPhone shots of some of our homegrown produce!

The Butterfly Pavilion

On Making Decisions and Gratitude

I was offered a job yesterday. Finally, some good news after nearly three months' worth of interviews and fretting. Despite all of the hours spent combing over every detail of the position, comparing it to my current job and a new offer from my boss, all of the sleepless nights and even not knowing which position I'd take right down the the last few hours before I chose, I feel good about my decision. It is the right choice for the now. I turned down the offer and I accepted my boss' counter offer, instead. And it feels like a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

Turning down the offer was not easy. The position, with a regulatory research institute on the University campus, held great opportunity for growth, and, so far as I know, works alongside a great group of people. The position will take shape as the institute shifts its own operation, taking on more responsibility and supervisory roles, and it isn't without some regret that I said no to it all. But with all offers on the table, it just couldn't work for me right now. Three years ago I'd have said yes in a heartbeat. But I'm no longer the person I was three years ago (and likely would not have been offered the position then, being the less-experienced version of me!). What works for me, now, is more about life-balance and less about leaning in.

So I made a morning phone call less than 24 hours after the offer came. I was nervous, but to my surprise, I sensed the woman on the receiving end was also nervous. And when I turned down the offer, it was accepted with grace and understanding. "I do not have a family of my own, but I absolutely believe in putting family first." The comment was almost enough for me to rescind my refusal and go work for her after all. I felt deeply grateful for her understanding, and humbled by the praise that was offered in our conversation.

I've had many great conversations with women over the last few months. Women of varying backgrounds. I was searching for my right answer while picking the brains of successful business women (with and without children), stay-at-home moms, full-time working moms, part-time working moms, anyone who was willing to give me their two cents. And what I came to understand--perhaps, what I already knew--was that no one can make this decision but me. No one person's life mirrors another, and what is right for one may be a terrible choice for another. And even though I came away from many of the conversations feeling even more confused about my own circumstances, I now see that each and every discussion helped my choice take form. Unknowingly, I was moving closer and closer to my answer.

This experience has been very good for me. I do not regret any of the time or energy I spent applying and worrying myself silly about the job I turned down. It all feels worthwhile in hindsight. I feel thankful. For being surrounded by powerful, supportive women in my field and in my community. For my boss, who went to battle to keep me, who asked me all the right questions in order to create a new position that could offer growth.  For being offered two positions, such that I could not make a bad choice. For opening doors for myself, in the now and down the road.

And so it is, just one year after cutting down to three days a week to spend more time at home, and seven months after increasing my hours again to fit the needs of the lab, I have accepted an offer that will allow more space and time to grow, both personally and professionally. New job tasks and more time with my family. Sounds like a pretty great balance to me--for me.

In the Garden

Birthday

I spent my 31st birthday close to home with my two favorite boys. I was off of work, which was a special treat since I usually work Mondays. In spite of the lengthy list of to-do's we have before the wedding, I took Isaac's sage advice and relaxed most of the day. "'Mon, sit!" he insisted, patting the couch cushion next to him. And so I did. After all, as Annie Dillard said it, "how we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives."

We had lunch at Busaba, my favorite Thai restaurant. There Isaac flirted with the staff of women serving us. We've been going to Busaba since before Isaac was born, and the family who owns the restaurant just fawns over him every time we bring him in. This time, they brought out a special dessert for him (and us) to try. Yum! We may not have family here, but these simple kindnesses from acquaintances or friends make living here without our family a little easier. The eleven-year-old neighbor girl who offers to help us watch Isaac when we're working in the yard, Isaac's daycare providers who dote on him, care for him like aunts and grandmothers would if they were here in Colorado, and friends who give him kisses and hugs and mean it when they tell him they love him. These people all mean more to us than perhaps they know. And today the Thai family unknowingly gave me a gift when they fussed over Isaac the way they did.

After Isaac's nap and some downtime for myself, we continued our slow, easy pace and played out in the raspberry bushes awhile. Here's a short video of Isaac's modus operandi out there. I don't know how he does it! Thorns and all.

For dinner, Ben made us a delicious fajita feast to go with some perfectly paired raspberry margaritas. 

Finally, my favorite: ice cream cake! Sweet Cow never disappoints. 

The day was just what I needed. Another good day to reflect on all I have, to look ahead to the possibilities of the coming year, and to reframe my perspective. My thirty-first year that, at this point, holds much uncertainty. Uncertainty in a lot of senses, but most prominently in my professional life, and how that, in turn, will affect our little family unit. I've been stressing over the inevitable unknowns that come with change, putting too much energy into trying to come up with the perfect answer for our future, when deep down I know that there will never be a perfect answer. 

Katrina Kenison's book, The Gift of the Ordinary Day strikes a chord with me in this time of my life. Particularly, this:

Moment by moment, we have the opportunity to say yes, to move into our lives and open ourselves to adventure--but that doesn't mean that we ever really know where we're going or that we can predict what we'll find when we get there. If we're lucky, though, the life we end up leading is one that makes us feel alive.

Though the year ahead is fraught with much that is unknown, I am sure it will bring more unbounded joy, laughter, happiness and adventure, much like all of the last thirty years have. And I'm freeing myself from the stress and worry and negative energy I've spent on making this decision. I'm opening myself up to the possibilities that be. Trusting that that path I choose and the path we take, together as a family, will be the right one for us. 

So here's to another year of adventure, of feeling alive!