29

Today I turn 29. Another turn of the calendar, and I'm alright with it. This 29th year is sure to be filled with many adventures, as all my years have been filled. With much happiness, excitement, surprise, love and contentment. And this, perhaps the greatest adventure of all: in this year, I will become a mother.

On my birthday I am seventeen weeks into my pregnancy. In these weeks, I've watched in astonishment as my body begins to transform into someone I've never been before. I've felt little bubbles of movement down low in my belly, making me acutely aware that, yes, there is in fact a little one growing and moving inside of me. I've felt more tired than ever before, sleeping endlessly. I've learned that I have little control over this process -- this miraculously natural process of growth -- and that has been difficult for me. I know my body, I know my limits. Or at least I did. I've been humbled by my new and evolving self. I've learned to listen to my changing body and give it exactly what it wants. And, amazingly, what it wants is exactly what it needs. For that, thankfully, I've been blessed with a relatively smooth first trimester, a healthy heartbeat trotting out of the midwives' doppler, and the gradual return of energy.

My journey into motherhood has just begun, but it will be here in the blink of an eye, I just know it. And because I know this, and because I have little to no experience with this life that I'll soon call my own, I read. I read voraciously, insatiably. I want to know everything there is to know about pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, newborns, babies, toddlers, children. Exercise, nutrition, vitamins, prenatal yoga, massage, sleep, natural birth methods, bonding, parenting. Ups and downs, highs and lows. Really, it is a seemingly endless list. I want to know it all. I need to. For I want to be the best possible mama I can be. So I read and I ask questions and I'm building around this base of knowledge a community of women who've done this before me and who are experiencing it with me.

I'm doing the best I can.

Yes, this year will be full of surprises and adventures--not all wonderful nor wanted, I know, but worth the journey. Most importantly, in this 29th year I'll experience love like I've never felt before. To love someone, whom I've created (with a little help from B., of course), more than anything or anyone else in the world, more than my own life; I can hardly fathom this feeling. And I can't wait for it.  So now, I continue to read and I continue to grow and I wait. We wait.